I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
