if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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