I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
