before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
