Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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