i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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