I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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