You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
