i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
