i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
