Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
