I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
