I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
