guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
