and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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