He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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