Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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