I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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