You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
