When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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