and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
