Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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