Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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