Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
In America we eat man semen.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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