I looked at my own cervix.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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