thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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