i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
