Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
