There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
