Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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