i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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