Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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