The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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