the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Congratulations! We have a period
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