Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
