I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
