If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
soo... how was my night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
