Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
