you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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