Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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