then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
