im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
