If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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