i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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