Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my shit smells like andre
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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