i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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