Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
