Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
