At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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