Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
