Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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