Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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