so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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