turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
