this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The Olympian is in my bed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
