I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
