dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
