he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
