I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was born a porn star she said
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
